It's been twelve days since I last posted. I wish I could give you a great reason why I haven't posted, but honestly, I don't have one. These last twelve days have just been jam-packed--between preschool graduation, a Memorial Day BBQ, birthday parties, and a couple of "farewells" to some new friends, I feel like this last week and a half had little room for anything else.

First off, let me just say that I hate the term "military spouse." Mostly because the term is riddled with stereotypes about the type of person I "supposedly" am. I've heard anything and everything about spouses of our U.S. military service members. We're lazy; we're low class; we're lonely; we're all gossips and haters; we're all fat housewives... this list could literally go on for days. The reality of it all is: military spouses come from all walks of life. So yeah the rumors are true that there are some crazies in the bunch and a few extremist, but for the most part we're just regular wives or husbands.

So why have a day devoted to thanking the spouses? There's no such things as "ITT Tech. Spouse Appreciation Day" or a day giving thanks to every spouse married to a real estate agent. There has to be a gimmick... a reason why others feel compelled to give thanks to every spouse associated to a U.S. Marine, Army Solider, Air Force Airman, or Navy Seaman.

Honestly, this is something I struggle with often. My husband is in the Marine Corps and I used to firmly believe his job doesn't make me who I am. So this definitely means there's no need to thank me because I don't want to be grouped in with the few who deem themselves "military spouses." It wasn't until recently that my opinion started to change.

Recently, as I'm sure most of you can tell from reading even one of my previous post, my family moved to Kuwait. This is the first move that we've made that I've felt "dragged" to somewhere new by the military. I mean seriously whose ever said, "My dream is to move to Kuwait"??? It wasn't until this move that I started contemplating, why? Why do I do this? Why do I make my kids do this? Why not just throw in the towel and say I'm going home?

The reality is I love my husband more than I care about where I live. That small shift... that small mind change put everything in perspective: I'm willing to give up everything just to be with him.

This means I'm willing to be by his side no matter where we live.

I'm willing...
...to move away from my family.
...to move away from a place I call home.
...to put a pause on my career.
...to put up with crappy skype phone calls and short e-mails
...to explain to my kids time and time again why "daddy will just be gone for a little while."
...to wait for him no matter how many days, weeks, or even months that he may be gone.

All simply because I love him. Not because he's a Marine. I love him for being him.

However, there is something epic about someone who is willing to change their whole life for someone they love. And this is hard for me to say this and it literally has taken almost nine years of marriage to admit this... but begrudgingly, I'm admitting, whether I like it or not, his job is a HUGE part of my life. Does this mean tomorrow I'm going to go and tattoo the globe and anchor on my arm because "I'm proud of my man"? Probably not. (Actually, it's more like a firm 'not ever.') Am I a fat, lazy, obnoxious housewife like most people think military spouses are? Uhh, that a big NO.

In all reality I'm just a bad-ass wife willing to put up with a lot of bull-sh*t because my husband loves his job. So no need to appreciate me, I do this happily and willingly. No strings attached.

I'm going to start this off simple.

My name is Lisa.
I have two wonderful kids, a husband, and four wild and crazy pets.
My husband is in the U.S. military and I've lived overseas for the last 4 years.
I like cooking, photography, and reading.

Long story short though, I'm boring. My life is seriously lack luster. I know you might be rolling your eyes a little bit when I say I live overseas AND my life is lack luster, but it's the truth. Not living in the U.S. is what you make of it and right now I'm making sure I hate the experience as much as possible. I wake up everyday with more negative things to say than positive.

I don't get enough sleep.
I have too much schoolwork to do. 
I hate doing the dishes. 
I feel fat this morning. 
I hate when the dogs poop on the rug. 
I don't remember the last time I showered for more than 3 minutes.
I never leave my house. 
I'm lonely. 
Living overseas is overwhelming. 
I feel lost most of the time. 
I wish I could go to the grocery store and not pay $9 for a box a cereal. 
My kids are cute, but never slow down enough for me to catch my breath. 
There's not enough coffee in this house. 

The more and more I complain, the more I feel like I'm being sucked into this black hole. Every morning I sink into my usual dismal demeanor before I even get out of bed and every night I try to reset my mind to think of new ways to claw my way out of my ebbing depression. However no matter how much I try to change, I still come to the same conclusion: I'm lost. I'm in my late twenties. I don't have my degree. I haven't had a job in five years. I stay at home most of the time. Since my family moves so often I don't have many friends. I don't have family nearby. I'm burnt out from living overseas and I'm overwhelmed with the thought that we still have years until we get to move back home again. So what would you do?

Going home isn't an option. I've tried to make new friends, but honestly I've developed an odd sort of social anxiety over making new friends because the environment I'm in is so different from what I'm used to. I've tried to focus on getting a college degree instead, but since most nights I get less than 5 hours of sleep it seems pretty impossible to take on-line classes right now. So I ask the question again, what would you do to change your life?

I've always said: if you don't like your life, change it. So here I am. Attempting to change for the better. My goal is for the next 365 days (1 year) I'm going to find a reason every day to NOT complain. I want to embrace my life. Some days I'm sure my list will be short of positive things to say, but I'm hoping my perspective changes slowly. One day my list of loves will be longer than my hates. One day I'll smile because I'm happy with my life, not because I feel like I have to. One day I won't be so lost and maybe one day I'll feel like I'm finally "found." One day... one day soon.