It's been twelve days since I last posted. I wish I could give you a great reason why I haven't posted, but honestly, I don't have one. These last twelve days have just been jam-packed--between preschool graduation, a Memorial Day BBQ, birthday parties, and a couple of "farewells" to some new friends, I feel like this last week and a half had little room for anything else.

So time for me to confess: I have two conflicting personality traits. One: I definitely have a type A personality--I like thing done in a certain way, in a certain amount of time, and with a certain amount of attention to detail. My only problem is I'm lazy. Crazy thing to admit, but it's true. I have an insane drive to do all these things, but nine times out of ten I simply just give up for various reasons.

I've always been somewhat insecure of my body. Surprise surprise, right?! Let's be honest, most women these days have some sort of body issue. Whether you think your arms jiggle, you have "thunder thighs", or you simply think you're fat... the reality is you and I aren't the first (or the last for that matter) to dislike something about our bodies.

One of my biggest insecurities is what I look like in a bathing suit. Okay, I know, most women feel the same, right?! Don't write off this post just yet. I'm  going somewhere with this.

I actually remember the first time I thought I looked terrible in a bathing suit. I was fourteen years old and I was at the local community pool. My two friends and I had just arrived and we're quick to jump into the water. That day I had decided to wear my favorite hot pink bathing suit and I thought I looked cute. However, the moment I splashed into the pool, one of my well meaning friends said what I thought was one of the oddest things ever, She asked me why my bathing suit made it look like I had a fat pocket near my arm pit. I was so embarrassed that she even noticed. Somehow that moment spurred a long running series of insecurities. I would think things like my ribs stuck out in a weird way or I would obsess with the fact that my thighs touched. I was constantly comparing myself to the girls around me. I was ashamed that I wasn't stick thin and hated that I wasn't curve-less.

Sadly, I think this teenage sob story happens to a lot of girls. The worse part of it is: insecure girls grow into insecure women. Some of us grow out of it, but most of us will never forget that first boy who calls you fat or those girls at school who talk about the way you look behind your back. I'm in my late twenties and I still try to cover up as much as possible. I remember when I was in my early twenties, I hardly ever wore a bathing suit. It got so bad at one point that I wouldn't even go to the beach without a sweatshirt on because I thought I looked too fat. I mean for goodness sake, it wasn't until three years ago that I got over my fear of wearing shorts!

So where am I going with this? This blog, this journey, is meant to create a new mindset. Be more open and let go of things. My main thing is I'm trying to say "yes" more than I say "no" so this means when my daughter asked me a couple of days ago to go swimming (despite the fact that I didn't want to go), I gave in and said yes. That day I forced myself to put on my bathing suit and to get out of the house for the day.

Once we were at the pool, it didn't take long for my family to start begging me to get in the water. Usually I avoid, at all cost, other people seeing me in a bathing suit and on that day the pool was filled with people. I felt so shy getting into the water. I felt like everyone was looking at me, even though no one really was.

It wasn't until I was swimming around with my kids for a couple of minutes that I realized something. I don't care what other people think about me. Teaching my daughter to swim and watching my son playfully splash everyone in the "big pool" are memories I'm never going to want to forget. More importantly, I realized I wanted to be apart of the memories, not watch from the sidelines. It made me think about all those years that I said no to going to the pool or the beach. How many times have I said I can't or I don't want to because I felt fat or thought I didn't look great. Please tell me I'm not the only one who let fear hold me them back.

The moment I got home I began searching on the internet. In my mindset I kept thinking: Mama is going to buy a NEW bathing suit. No more sitting on the bench watching everyone else have fun. I don't care what my excuses were before. Every day I waste thinking like I used to is another day I don't fully enjoy my life.

So here's my message to all the women who may feel the same: Follow suit. There's no reason too big or too small to miss out on the best parts of life. Start off small. Buy yourself a new bathing suit. Jump into the pool. Have fun and forget the rest.

First off, let me just say that I hate the term "military spouse." Mostly because the term is riddled with stereotypes about the type of person I "supposedly" am. I've heard anything and everything about spouses of our U.S. military service members. We're lazy; we're low class; we're lonely; we're all gossips and haters; we're all fat housewives... this list could literally go on for days. The reality of it all is: military spouses come from all walks of life. So yeah the rumors are true that there are some crazies in the bunch and a few extremist, but for the most part we're just regular wives or husbands.

So why have a day devoted to thanking the spouses? There's no such things as "ITT Tech. Spouse Appreciation Day" or a day giving thanks to every spouse married to a real estate agent. There has to be a gimmick... a reason why others feel compelled to give thanks to every spouse associated to a U.S. Marine, Army Solider, Air Force Airman, or Navy Seaman.

Honestly, this is something I struggle with often. My husband is in the Marine Corps and I used to firmly believe his job doesn't make me who I am. So this definitely means there's no need to thank me because I don't want to be grouped in with the few who deem themselves "military spouses." It wasn't until recently that my opinion started to change.

Recently, as I'm sure most of you can tell from reading even one of my previous post, my family moved to Kuwait. This is the first move that we've made that I've felt "dragged" to somewhere new by the military. I mean seriously whose ever said, "My dream is to move to Kuwait"??? It wasn't until this move that I started contemplating, why? Why do I do this? Why do I make my kids do this? Why not just throw in the towel and say I'm going home?

The reality is I love my husband more than I care about where I live. That small shift... that small mind change put everything in perspective: I'm willing to give up everything just to be with him.

This means I'm willing to be by his side no matter where we live.

I'm willing...
...to move away from my family.
...to move away from a place I call home.
...to put a pause on my career.
...to put up with crappy skype phone calls and short e-mails
...to explain to my kids time and time again why "daddy will just be gone for a little while."
...to wait for him no matter how many days, weeks, or even months that he may be gone.

All simply because I love him. Not because he's a Marine. I love him for being him.

However, there is something epic about someone who is willing to change their whole life for someone they love. And this is hard for me to say this and it literally has taken almost nine years of marriage to admit this... but begrudgingly, I'm admitting, whether I like it or not, his job is a HUGE part of my life. Does this mean tomorrow I'm going to go and tattoo the globe and anchor on my arm because "I'm proud of my man"? Probably not. (Actually, it's more like a firm 'not ever.') Am I a fat, lazy, obnoxious housewife like most people think military spouses are? Uhh, that a big NO.

In all reality I'm just a bad-ass wife willing to put up with a lot of bull-sh*t because my husband loves his job. So no need to appreciate me, I do this happily and willingly. No strings attached.

We're on day 6 of me posting once a day and I'm just going to have to say that today I wasn't feeling it. Not because I'm out of ideas already of things to talk about or because I'm being lazy about it. I really didn't want to post because well... I'm exhausted. I know, what you're thinking. Saying I'm exhausted is complaining and since I'm actively trying to not complain and to focus on the positive things in my life, I'm actually going against the main point of this project. However, it doesn't change the fact that I'm extremely tired and burnt out.

I love my adorable 2 year old baby boy, but that little guy has the worst sleeping patterns. He always has and I have a feeling he always will. Usually my husband and I are able to control his sleeping patterns enough that we get a solid 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Lately though, his sleeping schedule has gone from him going to bed extremely late to him still being up when the sun rises in the morning. Most days I have huge bags under my eyes and I rely heavily on coffee. Today was morning number 3 of what we'll call the "sunrise showdown" and my body just couldn't take it anymore. I went from feeling tired to feeling awful. My head hurt, my body ached, and my stomach felt like it was doing a backflip.

I'm so thankful that my husband is always willing to come to my rescue. This morning he got up extremely early to stay up with my son. He was the one who got my daughter dressed and ready for school. He also took the kids to play outside after work and he even stayed up tonight to put them to bed so I could rest without having to worry about doing a thing.

My husband and I may bump heads often (more often now that we're on a special duty assignment for the Marine Corps), but I'm so lucky to have him in my life. I seriously don't thank him enough, praise him enough, and tell him much I love him often enough. So tonight's post is simple: love your husband more. That dude may not pick up his dirty socks, he may forget to do the dishes even after you've "kindly" asked him to do it 3 times, and he may forget something when he runs out to the store, but the fact of the matter is YOU LOVE HIM. Otherwise, why stay married?

So here's my promise. Over the next 359 days (how many days left on my journey)....
I will tell my husband I love him more often.
I will kiss him good morning and good night every. single. day.
I will listen to his silly sports stories more and try to be a better active listener in the stories he tells me.
I will thank him more often for being the most loving, kindest person I know.
I will try to hold his hand more, even if it seems impossible with two kids running inbetween us.
I will try harder to go on more date nights and dinners out alone because he's just as important as my kids. 
I will tell every person I know, as often as I'd like, how wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have found him.
Lastly, I will just love him more. My husband deserves every ounce of my love because I know he gives me every bit of his. We've been married for almost nine years now and I know our love will only get stronger as the years go on.

Feel free to comment and tell me one thing you love about your significant other. <3

Before I had kids I had all these "ideas" of what being a parent would be like. I envisioned weekend picnics at the park, giggle sessions in a play tent, dress-up fashion shows in the living room, and quiet evenings reading books together while snuggled under a warm blanket on the couch. While all these moment really do happen in my life, they are far more rare than I ever dreamed. I never imagined I would spend most of my time wiping butts, breaking up fights, and cleaning up the same mess over and over again. Most of my days are too chaotic to even get the simplest task done. I'm extremely proud on those unusual days where I get all the laundry cleaned, the dished washed, and ALL of the toys picked up. Don't get me wrong, my kids are the most important things in the world to me and spending time with them definitely trumps chores (hence why they don't get done), but man oh man, on days like today I can't help dreaming about the good ol' days when I wasn't chased down every time I attempted to go to the bathroom.

So I'm not sure why, but I was hoping today I would wake up a changed person. I envisioned I would wake up not stressed out, not sick and not exhausted. Wait... actually before I really get going let me stop right there. I'm changing my perspective. NO COMPLAINING, right?! Let's move on to day one of being positive.

Todays bright and shining moment was getting to enjoy cupcakes with my babies after a nice dinner out. I'll have to admit, I'm from California and I've had Sprinkles Cupcakes before, but I was never a fan before I moved to Kuwait. I always thought the ones from California were hard and not very fresh tasting. However, the cupcakes here are little pillows of wonderful sweet goodness. Whenever we're near one, I happily skip along with the kids to the store front to drool over their delicious selection.

The babies got 2 mini milk chocolate cupcakes a piece. The hubby and I split of box of two pumpkin cupcakes, one triple cinnamon, and one oh so wonderful red velvet cupcake. If that sounds like a lot of cupcakes, well it is. Haha We always want to get one to enjoy then and one to enjoy later. Who cares about calories. I'm on a new journey to personal euphoria and today is worth celebrating. So here's to day one of 365 days of happiness.

I always beg my daughter to look and smile at the camera, but when I took a step back today I realized her silly faces might be better than a boring traditional smile.