I'm going to start this off simple.

My name is Lisa.
I have two wonderful kids, a husband, and four wild and crazy pets.
My husband is in the U.S. military and I've lived overseas for the last 4 years.
I like cooking, photography, and reading.

Long story short though, I'm boring. My life is seriously lack luster. I know you might be rolling your eyes a little bit when I say I live overseas AND my life is lack luster, but it's the truth. Not living in the U.S. is what you make of it and right now I'm making sure I hate the experience as much as possible. I wake up everyday with more negative things to say than positive.

I don't get enough sleep.
I have too much schoolwork to do. 
I hate doing the dishes. 
I feel fat this morning. 
I hate when the dogs poop on the rug. 
I don't remember the last time I showered for more than 3 minutes.
I never leave my house. 
I'm lonely. 
Living overseas is overwhelming. 
I feel lost most of the time. 
I wish I could go to the grocery store and not pay $9 for a box a cereal. 
My kids are cute, but never slow down enough for me to catch my breath. 
There's not enough coffee in this house. 

The more and more I complain, the more I feel like I'm being sucked into this black hole. Every morning I sink into my usual dismal demeanor before I even get out of bed and every night I try to reset my mind to think of new ways to claw my way out of my ebbing depression. However no matter how much I try to change, I still come to the same conclusion: I'm lost. I'm in my late twenties. I don't have my degree. I haven't had a job in five years. I stay at home most of the time. Since my family moves so often I don't have many friends. I don't have family nearby. I'm burnt out from living overseas and I'm overwhelmed with the thought that we still have years until we get to move back home again. So what would you do?

Going home isn't an option. I've tried to make new friends, but honestly I've developed an odd sort of social anxiety over making new friends because the environment I'm in is so different from what I'm used to. I've tried to focus on getting a college degree instead, but since most nights I get less than 5 hours of sleep it seems pretty impossible to take on-line classes right now. So I ask the question again, what would you do to change your life?

I've always said: if you don't like your life, change it. So here I am. Attempting to change for the better. My goal is for the next 365 days (1 year) I'm going to find a reason every day to NOT complain. I want to embrace my life. Some days I'm sure my list will be short of positive things to say, but I'm hoping my perspective changes slowly. One day my list of loves will be longer than my hates. One day I'll smile because I'm happy with my life, not because I feel like I have to. One day I won't be so lost and maybe one day I'll feel like I'm finally "found." One day... one day soon.



One Comment

  1. Hi, Lisa. I know this post is several months old, but I just found your blog and I had to start somewhere! :) I think blogging and specifically blogging about something positive in life is a wonderful idea! It is so much harder to search for something good rather than to be dragged down by the demands of everyday life! In the two years I have been blogging, I have found that bloggers are part of a generally caring and supportive community. I know its not the same as having "real life" friends to sit with over coffee or hang out with while the kids have play dates, but over time you get to "know" other bloggers even if they live worlds away. You worry when they disappear for a bit. You smile all day when they comment something wonderful on your blog. You look forward to reading about them and sharing your life in return. Welcome to the world of blogging! Also, I wanted to comment on being a mom of small kids. I have been where you are now. My "kids" have grown up. I have a 26 year old daughter and a 21 year old son. But I remember so clearly when it felt like my kids would be little forever and I would be exhausted for the rest of my life! I had friends with older kids and I remember thinking, "Oh my goodness! My kids will never be old enough to stay by themselves!" We almost never went out because even if we could afford a babysitter, I didn't really trust a teenager to watch my kids. Being a mom is an isolating, exhausting, frustrating, guilt-inducing job, that is probably the most important, rewarding, impactful job of your life! Being a mom is forever. The overwhelming day to day demands of being a mom of small kids are amazingly short lived. I KNOW it doesn't seem like that now, but very,very soon (I promise) you will wonder where time went! Documenting these times on your blog gives you a wonderful way to look back and remember! I look forward to reading more of your blog as you share your life journey! :) -Wendy

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