So I'm not sure why, but I was hoping today I would wake up a changed person. I envisioned I would wake up not stressed out, not sick and not exhausted. Wait... actually before I really get going let me stop right there. I'm changing my perspective. NO COMPLAINING, right?! Let's move on to day one of being positive.

Todays bright and shining moment was getting to enjoy cupcakes with my babies after a nice dinner out. I'll have to admit, I'm from California and I've had Sprinkles Cupcakes before, but I was never a fan before I moved to Kuwait. I always thought the ones from California were hard and not very fresh tasting. However, the cupcakes here are little pillows of wonderful sweet goodness. Whenever we're near one, I happily skip along with the kids to the store front to drool over their delicious selection.

The babies got 2 mini milk chocolate cupcakes a piece. The hubby and I split of box of two pumpkin cupcakes, one triple cinnamon, and one oh so wonderful red velvet cupcake. If that sounds like a lot of cupcakes, well it is. Haha We always want to get one to enjoy then and one to enjoy later. Who cares about calories. I'm on a new journey to personal euphoria and today is worth celebrating. So here's to day one of 365 days of happiness.

I always beg my daughter to look and smile at the camera, but when I took a step back today I realized her silly faces might be better than a boring traditional smile.

I'm going to start this off simple.

My name is Lisa.
I have two wonderful kids, a husband, and four wild and crazy pets.
My husband is in the U.S. military and I've lived overseas for the last 4 years.
I like cooking, photography, and reading.

Long story short though, I'm boring. My life is seriously lack luster. I know you might be rolling your eyes a little bit when I say I live overseas AND my life is lack luster, but it's the truth. Not living in the U.S. is what you make of it and right now I'm making sure I hate the experience as much as possible. I wake up everyday with more negative things to say than positive.

I don't get enough sleep.
I have too much schoolwork to do. 
I hate doing the dishes. 
I feel fat this morning. 
I hate when the dogs poop on the rug. 
I don't remember the last time I showered for more than 3 minutes.
I never leave my house. 
I'm lonely. 
Living overseas is overwhelming. 
I feel lost most of the time. 
I wish I could go to the grocery store and not pay $9 for a box a cereal. 
My kids are cute, but never slow down enough for me to catch my breath. 
There's not enough coffee in this house. 

The more and more I complain, the more I feel like I'm being sucked into this black hole. Every morning I sink into my usual dismal demeanor before I even get out of bed and every night I try to reset my mind to think of new ways to claw my way out of my ebbing depression. However no matter how much I try to change, I still come to the same conclusion: I'm lost. I'm in my late twenties. I don't have my degree. I haven't had a job in five years. I stay at home most of the time. Since my family moves so often I don't have many friends. I don't have family nearby. I'm burnt out from living overseas and I'm overwhelmed with the thought that we still have years until we get to move back home again. So what would you do?

Going home isn't an option. I've tried to make new friends, but honestly I've developed an odd sort of social anxiety over making new friends because the environment I'm in is so different from what I'm used to. I've tried to focus on getting a college degree instead, but since most nights I get less than 5 hours of sleep it seems pretty impossible to take on-line classes right now. So I ask the question again, what would you do to change your life?

I've always said: if you don't like your life, change it. So here I am. Attempting to change for the better. My goal is for the next 365 days (1 year) I'm going to find a reason every day to NOT complain. I want to embrace my life. Some days I'm sure my list will be short of positive things to say, but I'm hoping my perspective changes slowly. One day my list of loves will be longer than my hates. One day I'll smile because I'm happy with my life, not because I feel like I have to. One day I won't be so lost and maybe one day I'll feel like I'm finally "found." One day... one day soon.